Do You Wonder Why You’ve Themes or Patterns In Your Life That Hurt You?
As a psychic coach, I have seen many people struggle with unhelpful behaviour patterns that seem to be deeply ingrained in their minds, it seems to work against what they consciously want. But did you know that these patterns may actually be created by a part of your brain called the reticular activating system (RAS)?
Let Me Introduce You To The Reticular Activating System (RAS)
The RAS is a bundle of nerves located in your brainstem that acts as a filter for the thousands of stimuli that your brain receives every day. It decides what information is important and what ‘s not, and then sends that information to your conscious mind. This means that your RAS is responsible for determining what you pay attention to and what you ignore. Ever noticed when you get a new car, everyone else suddenly has the same model too?
The problem is that the RAS is heavily influenced by your beliefs, thoughts, and emotions. If you constantly focus on negative thoughts or emotions, your RAS will pick up on these signals, filtering out positive information. This can create a self-perpetuating cycle of negative thinking and behaviour that’s hard to break.
Case Studies
1: Client X
Client X came to me in quite a state, they had a repeating pattern in their life which they simply could not understand. Their common question to me was ‘why does this keep happening to me?’
Using various coaching & NLP techniques including Timeline Therapy – this involves regressing them back to the root memory of the issue – we discovered a memory from being a toddler on holiday with the family. In the memory were quite a few distressing events which made my client cry at revisiting. Interestingly my client had not recalled this memory consciously, it was buried away as ‘unimportant’ as there were many more prominent memories, as I’m sure is the same with your life.
When discussing the memory afterwards, the client remarked on how they found it weird that with the family members being so challenging, why was it that they kept connecting with people just like them which made them unhappy again & again?
The answer to this is the RAS! Consciously they knew they wanted to connect with people that enhanced their life, that made them happy & with who they could really connect. What the RAS does is programme the subconscious mind to look for what it knows best, which is the people my client grew up with, those that were emotionally closed off, unable to express themselves & very manipulative. My client realised they’d had a string of narcissists parade through their life wreaking havoc, they were totally unaligned to their values which is always going to create inner conflict which has manifested in their personal life & health as well as completely dysregulating them emotionally & physically which means they live in a high state of stress known as flight-fight-freeze which floods the body with a toxic cocktail of adrenaline & other hormones which are not good in high doses or over prolonged periods
2: Client A
Client A came to me with really low self-worth after a particularly damaging relationship with a narcissist who then ghosted them, breaking their heart in the process.
Client A was really keen to find a new relationship, even though they’ve had a string of abusive & heartbreaking ones. It soon became clear during our sessions that their childhood had been horrid with divorce, absent father, emotionally absent mother & sibling relationships which were close when younger but were emotionally dysfunctional as adults.
In this instance the client is wired to want to be loved since they’ve been emotionally abandoned by everyone in their family as well as partners so far. The RAS though is looking for the familiar, which means that consciously Client A is looking for love, an emotional closeness & to be happy & secure, what they’re getting is the opposite it’s exactly what they had growing up & doesn’t serve them, again driven by the subconscious. Think of it as the brain looking for safety, otherwise known as ‘better the devil you know’ even if it’s not making you happy.
Sadly, they have a fear of being emotionally abandoned or hurt but they’ll keep experiencing exactly that until they finish their self work.
It’s crucial to reprogramme the subconscious beliefs that drive your behaviour otherwise the pattern will just keep repeating.
3: Most People!
Most people will see what they want or be oblivious to things which don’t suit them, let me explain.
Do you recall the movie ‘Life of Brian’? I know it’s an old one but even so it’s a perfect illustration. In the movie, John Cleese plays a part where his character asks ‘what have the Romans ever done for us’? A few people answer this rhetorical question, each time he replies ‘but apart from that…’? He doesn’t want to hear those answers, he’s got a belief that supports his narrative that the Romans are a pestilence, they’ve done nothing for the locals & so he wants them gone.
Ever had a bad day where everything has gone wrong or you’re saying to yourself ‘nobody likes me’ etc? If someone were to point out that there were good things in your day or name a few people that truly like or love you, you’d be saying ‘apart from that/them’ because it doesn’t fit with the story you’re telling yourself. If that were to be ongoing, you’d programme the subconscious mind and make it a self-fulfilling prophecy which means you make what you believe to be true, come true! Does that make sense?
Transforming The RAS Using NLP
This is where neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) can be an effective tool for change. NLP is a psychological approach that involves analysing the language and behaviour patterns of successful people in order to replicate their success. By understanding how the brain works and how language and behaviour are linked, NLP can help you reprogram your RAS and create more positive patterns of thinking and behaviour. I trained in NLP with Paul McKenna (the TV hypnotist) & the co-creator of NLP Richard Bandler back in 2007 & I find it a superb tool for facilitating changes, I helped the clients above & many more using NLP & coaching skills.
One of the key concepts in NLP is the idea of reframing. Reframing involves looking at a situation from a different perspective in order to change how you feel about it. For example, if you’re always anxious about speaking in public, reframing could involve changing your belief from “I am terrible at public speaking” to “I am getting better at public speaking every time I do it.” This simple change in belief can help you reprogram your RAS to focus on the positive aspects of public speaking instead of the negative ones.
Some Frequent Situations & NLP Techniques For Resolving Them
Another NLP technique that can be used to change unhelpful behaviour is anchoring. Anchoring involves associating a particular state of mind with a physical trigger, such as a touch or a specific word. For example, if you want to feel more confident in a particular situation, you could anchor that feeling to a specific word or gesture. Then, whenever you need to feel more confident, you can use that anchor to trigger the feeling.
- Negative self-talk: When the RAS filters out positive information, women may find themselves engaging in negative self-talk that reinforces negative beliefs about themselves and their abilities. This can lead to a lack of confidence, self-doubt, and self-sabotage.
- Difficulty setting boundaries: If the RAS filters out information about assertiveness or boundary-setting, women may struggle to set and maintain healthy boundaries in their relationships and work environments. This can lead to feelings of overwhelm, resentment, and burnout.
- Limiting beliefs: The RAS can reinforce limiting beliefs about what women can and cannot do, which can hold them back from pursuing their goals and dreams. This can lead to feelings of stagnation, frustration, and unfulfillment.
- Comparison and perfectionism: When the RAS filters out positive information about progress and growth, women may find themselves comparing themselves to others or striving for unrealistic levels of perfectionism. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, stress, and anxiety.
- Difficulty making decisions: If the RAS filters out information about decision-making or problem-solving, women may struggle to make decisions or take action on important matters. This can lead to feelings of indecisiveness, anxiety, and inaction.
Things Worth Noting
Whilst everyone is different & the experiences which shaped them are different, It’s important to remember that not everyone will experience these pain points to the same degree or in the same way. However, by understanding how the RAS can create disempowering behaviour and using tools like NLP, women can empower themselves to create more positive patterns of thinking and behaviour that align with their goals and values.
Finally, NLP can also be used to change the language you use to describe yourself and your experiences. By changing the language you use, you can change the way you think about yourself and your abilities. For example, instead of saying “I can’t do that,” you could say “I haven’t learned how to do that yet.” This subtle shift in language can help you reprogram your RAS to focus on the possibilities instead of the limitations.
In conclusion, the reticular activating system is a powerful force that can create unhelpful patterns of behaviour in your life. However, by using NLP techniques like reframing, anchoring, and changing your language, you can reprogram your RAS so you create more positive patterns of thinking and behaviour. So if you’re struggling with unhelpful behaviour patterns, consider trying NLP as a tool to empower yourself and create the life you want.
Try This Tool For Self Healing
It’s not always possible to see your own behaviour & how to change it or the opportunity for growth, this is why journaling is good as it gives a chance for observation, objectivity & growth. I’m a huge believer in looking backwards for understanding but not for beating yourself up or to dwell on the past, by documenting events & behaviours you can become aware of it then you can change it. Start with becoming aware of your inner dialogue, what do you say to yourself day in and day out? Write it down & explore where it comes from & what you’d rather say to yourself that supports you & allows you room to grow.
Your Turn!
Give these techniques a go and let me know how you get on. I’m happy to have a chat with you if need be so let’s schedule a Zoom call, grab a coffee & chat! You can book a 30 minute free call here via my online calendar.
With love and light. Tracy Fance, Psychic Coach
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