Parental Silence: Emotional Healing With NLP

‘I Just Wanted My Parents to Be Proud of Me’ Silhouette of a child holding hands with an adult

Sound familiar? Growing up, you might have often wondered why your parents didn’t express their love and pride for you as openly as they did with friends and family. It’s a common experience for many, and one that can leave a lasting impact on your emotional well-being and behaviour. In this blog, we’ll delve into this phenomenon, exploring why parents sometimes struggle to convey their feelings to their children and how I use Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) to help heal the emotional and behavioural consequences.

The Unspoken Words

Parents not openly expressing their love or pride for their children can be attributed to several factors:

  1. Upbringing and Cultural Influence: Parents often mirror the behaviour they observed in their own upbringing. If they grew up in a household where emotions were rarely discussed, they might find it challenging to break this cycle.
  2. Fear of Overindulgence: Some parents worry that openly expressing love might make their children complacent or spoil them. They believe that a bit of tough love is essential for character building.
  3. Misguided Assumptions: Parents may assume that their love is self-evident and doesn’t need verbal affirmation. They may think that their actions, such as providing for their children, speak louder than words.
  4. Emotional Baggage: Personal emotional baggage can also play a role. Parents who struggle with their own insecurities or unresolved issues may find it difficult to express affection.

The Impact on Children

Growing up in an environment where parental love remains unspoken can have profound consequences:

  1. Emotional Disconnect: Children may grow up feeling emotionally distant from their parents, leading to a sense of unmet emotional needs.
  2. Low Self-Esteem: The absence of verbal affirmation can contribute to low self-esteem, as children may internalise the belief that they are not worthy of love or pride.
  3. Difficulty in Expressing Emotions: Children may struggle to express their own emotions openly, perpetuating the cycle of emotional suppression.
  4. Seeking Validation Elsewhere: To compensate for the lack of validation at home, children might seek approval and affirmation from peers or romantic partners, which can lead to unhealthy relationships.

How I Use NLP To Help

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a powerful tool that can help individuals overcome the emotional and behavioural challenges arising from a lack of parental affirmation. Here’s how:

  1. Self-awareness: NLP techniques can help you become more aware of your feelings and beliefs related to your parents’ behaviour. This self-awareness is the first step towards healing.
  2. Reframing Negative Beliefs: Through NLP, you can learn to reframe negative beliefs about yourself that may have stemmed from the lack of parental validation. You can replace them with positive, empowering beliefs.
  3. Communication Skills: NLP can improve your communication skills, making it easier for you to express your own emotions and needs to your parents and others.
  4. Building Resilience: NLP can help you build emotional resilience, allowing you to cope with the emotional scars of your past and move forward with a healthier outlook on life.
  5. Healing the Past: NLP techniques, such as timeline therapy, can be used to revisit and heal emotional wounds from the past, including those related to your parents’ actions or inactions.

Parents Are Doing Their Best

We don’t know how what we say will be taken by others, so this is not parent-bashing. I know people who got told how amazing they were by their parents all the time, yet they just assumed that their parents were saying that because they loved her so there’s really no blame here, it’s all on the recipient!


When people come to see me with their health issues, I tend to find they are more often that not rooted in their childhood. It may be from a parent, a sibling, a teacher or even anyone else who has influence in their lives. The body is basically saying ‘I have no use for this belief anymore’, by changing the story that you’ve been telling yourself, I can help you to heal.

In conclusion, growing up in an environment where parents don’t openly express their love and pride can have a significant impact on a person’s emotional well-being and behaviour. However, it’s important to remember that parents may have their own reasons for behaving this way. By utilising NLP techniques, you can embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing, ultimately breaking free from the chains of unspoken emotions and fostering healthy relationships with yourself and others.

Remember, your emotional well-being is in your hands, and with the right tools, you can rewrite your emotional script and create a brighter future, you don’t have to do it alone, I can help you, book a Zoom call with me now.

#coachingwithtracyfance #tracyfancepsychiccoach #health #wellness #parentalpride #NLP #childhoodtrauma #healingjourney #healyourself

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