Keeping It All In Does Not Work!
You are probably aware that I am doing a lot of coaching these days, I am working with people who have health conditions, using my coaching skills and tools to help them improve their health.
At present I am working with people who have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, we work to discover the root of the condition and then work to clear the root cause. We are programmed from birth to age 7, again from 7-14 and again from 14-21, by the time we hit age 21 we are who we will probably be for our life, we can and do change after this but our beliefs about life and us are core to us. We learn who we are, what we believe & take on our morals, principles & values from the people who are important to us; family, friends, teachers, bosses, partners etc, sometimes what we have been brought up to believe can be in conflict with who we are and what is important to us now, this conflict is where illness starts.
Here’s An Example
Imagine you are brought up to believe that people with money are not nice people, they are rude and ungrateful (this may be from your parent’s or grandparent’s views), this may cause you an issue when you try to climb the career ladder or start your own business, you may even find yourself sabotaging yourself financially, this is coming from your subconscious, so you may not even be aware of the fact you are sabotaging yourself. In the meantime your conscious mind is getting frustrated that you can’t seem to succeed financially. This conflict would be the root of the health issue and by working to help you shift from the old belief about rich people being horrible and seeing and accepting that you can have money and be nice the conflict is resolved and the health issue can go.
Think of an illness as the engine management on your car, it tells you when there is an issue, you take it to the garage, they identify the issue and repair it for you, the engine management is reset and life carries on. What is happening in your case is that the illness is telling you the mind-body connection is faulty, or is in conflict, my job is to identify the issue and resolve it.
One of the common threads I have found with Fibromyalgia is that my client’s seem to feel they have to be superwoman, being all things to all people. This may be because they are trying to satisfy their parents, carry their own emotional baggage, be a parent and wife/partner plus often they have a career or business too. Add to that the role of homemaker and that is a lot to carry.
Another commonality is the need to prove they are not weak, that they are as good as any man, that they can have a career and a family to boot.
I have called this ‘the superwoman syndrome’ for want of a better name. It seems to be predominantly a female thing, I’m sure there are men who have this syndrome too, but as with Fibromyalgia it seems to affect more women than men.
Client Case Study
Client A has elderly parents to look after on a daily basis, family commitments, two businesses to run, commitments in their personal life and had an abusive relationship from which they took on an awful lot of guilt & hurt, in addition to doing a Ph.D. & having their social life to juggle. With that comes the belief they cannot let anyone down; they have given their word to people to do XYZ and there is no way they could go back on that.
What Does It Matter?
So, combine this feeling that they have to be superhuman, with taking on too much and it seems the result is immune system issues such as Fibro, Lupus, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome etc. Dr’s are diagnosing people with this condition more frequently which may be them trying to put labels on people so they can take them off the list or it may be that we are reaching breaking point, where things need to change.
Why Do We Have It?
Our mind and body are telling us that there is something wrong with our beliefs that we have to be superhuman, that we have to carry so much without help, that there is no alternative to the way we are functioning. There is always a choice, there is always an alternative way to be, we may not like that alternative but it still exists. It may be that our beliefs are the issue such as feeling we need to keep everyone else happy even when it means we are unhappy.
So, if this sounds like you, look at ways to create change;
- Delegate more
- Negotiate with your partner for them to do more within the family and family home
- Say no a bit more to the people who always assume you’ll do it
- Find a different way to think about the issues in your life now, as well as historic ones, we can’t change the past but we can change how we think about it
- Check your beliefs and values regularly, you may need a coach to do this the first time, there is plenty of content on the internet too
- Be aware of what is truly important to you so you can aim for it
- Stop worrying about what other people may or may not be thinking about you & your actions!
- Identify your goals and find reasons why you can and should aim for them, not reasons why you should not or could not
As with everything in life, this may be the rule but there will be exceptions. As with all things, some people will disagree with me. I appreciate that I have taken the female viewpoint, but that is because as yet, I have not worked with many men with Fibromyalgia, the few that I have actually fit this profile, I just need to have worked with equal numbers of both to say whether it is only female or whether it applies equally to both.
I’d love your thoughts if you suffer from immune system issues, whether you agree with my findings so far or not.
I also have a Fibro questionnaire which you are welcome to complete, even if it only for your purposes and not because you want to work with me: https://forms.gle/wrDk9dpNeLq1pcfD9
I also offer a Fibromyalgia masterclass where we work as a group to work through the beliefs with the intention of relieving or clearing the condition. I cannot offer any get well, quick sessions, progress is dependent on the work you do on yourself. Please don’t believe you have to have this condition for the rest of your life, YOU DON’T. Western medicine is fantastic but it has only been around 100 years and it does not know everything & it is only just starting to reconsider the mind-body connection.