I’m sure you know about boundaries, maybe you’re thinking of your boundary wall or the edges of your property/land, and I’m sure over the years you’ll know of people having boundary disputes with a neighbour, but how are your personal boundaries? Interestingly it’s an issue that comes up time and again with both my coaching clients and reading clients.
Let me tell you more about boundaries.
In the bustling symphony of life, where obligations, relationships, and endless demands converge, it’s all too easy to lose sight of an invaluable treasure – your personal boundaries. These boundaries, be they mental, emotional, or physical, are the fortresses that safeguard your well-being and maintain the sanctity of your selfhood.
Your boundaries are to keep you balanced and happy, let’s face it, if someone threw a load of rubbish into your garden how would you feel?
Have you ever shared a bedroom or hotel room with someone who just dropped their clothes or belongings wherever they felt like it? How did that make you feel? Our boundaries are those needs that are important to us such as timekeeping (people being late drives me nuts) or privacy, people who butt into another person’s business without being asked are a nightmare.
Today I’m going to embark on an exploration of their profound significance, for within them lies the key to a harmonious mind-body connection. I see the resulting trauma in my clients manifesting as health issues which are linked to their boundaries not being respected, maintained or in some cases non-existent boundaries.
It’s important to bear in mind that everyone has different boundaries, some have no boundaries & some people have never met a boundary they respect!
Imagine your mind as a lush garden, a haven for your thoughts and ideas. Mental boundaries are the invisible picket fence that protects this haven. They define what information, thoughts, and influences are allowed in, and what should be kept at bay. Yet, we often forget to tend to these boundaries, letting a deluge of thoughts and opinions flood in.
One common example is the incessant scrolling through social media or checking emails before bed. The glow of screens disrupts our mental boundaries, preventing us from the tranquillity needed for a peaceful night’s sleep. To rectify this, consider setting a strict tech curfew, creating a space for your mind to unwind and rejuvenate.
Here’s some other mental boundary issues:
a. Difficulty saying no when you want to.
b. Feeling responsible for others’ emotions or actions.
c. Allowing others to manipulate or control you.
d. Feeling overwhelmed by the emotions or opinions of others.
e. Being unable to express your own needs and desires.
f. Struggling to assert yourself or communicate effectively in relationships.
Having poor boundaries here will affect your crown chakra, as well as the third eye & even the throat chakra if you cannot express yourself in the right way.
Hematite: Hematite is known for its grounding properties and is believed to help establish a sense of inner strength and boundaries. It can be used to support you in saying no when necessary.
Your heart, a precious sanctuary of emotions, deserves the highest form of protection. Emotional boundaries are the walls that keep you from being overwhelmed by others’ emotions, and prevent you from sacrificing your own well-being for the sake of others. These boundaries are crucial for maintaining emotional equilibrium.
Sometimes, we love without boundaries, extending ourselves to the point of emotional exhaustion. This often occurs in relationships with narcissists, who thrive on others unlimited giving. It’s vital to recognize such dynamics and learn to say ‘no’.
As empath or a healer it’s very easy to cross emotional boundaries and give too much, care too much & end up hurt, drained & burned out.
Some typical boundary issues:
a. Feeling responsible for others’ emotions.
b. Difficulty expressing your own feelings and needs.
c. Overwhelmed by the emotions of others.
d. Inability to say no to requests or demands on your emotions.
e. Allowing others to manipulate or guilt-trip you into feeling a certain way.
f. Struggling to differentiate your emotions from those of others.
Poor boundaries here will affect the heart chakra as well as the solar plexus and even the throat chakra. Depending on how your boundaries are being disrespected it can even affect your root chakra.
Amethyst: Amethyst is known for its calming and protective properties. Some people use it to support emotional balance and promote self-awareness, which can be beneficial for setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.
Remember, it’s not selfish to protect your emotional sanctuary; it’s an act of self-preservation.
Inhabiting your body is a gift, and safeguarding it should be non-negotiable. Physical boundaries delineate your personal space and comfort zones. The example of timekeeping offers a clear illustration – when we perpetually disregard punctuality, we encroach on both our own and others’ physical boundaries, causing stress and discomfort.
To rectify this, practise mindful timekeeping. Allocate time for tasks, respecting your own schedule, and, in turn, others’.
How does it feel when people invade your space? It can feel threatening, it can make you uncomfortable and it can even make you angry, especially when you feel vulnerable & can tell the person invading your space has mal-intent or is doing it on purpose.
Some people have no concept of personal space, those on the autistic spectrum or even those who have ADHD can be blissfully unaware that they need to step back.
Some typical boundary issues:
a. Allowing others to invade your personal space without objection.
b. Feeling uncomfortable or violated in certain physical situations.
c. Difficulty asserting yourself when someone crosses your physical boundaries.
d. Experiencing physical discomfort or stress due to boundary violations.
e. Having rigid physical boundaries that prevent you from forming close relationships.
Black Tourmaline: Black tourmaline is often associated with protection and grounding. It is believed to help create a protective energy shield around the user, which can be helpful for maintaining personal boundaries and preventing external energies from influencing you negatively.
By doing so, you honour your physical boundaries, fostering an atmosphere of respect and mutual consideration.
The Energetic Boundary:
We are energetic beings, everything is energy and how we allow it to affect us is really important for our equiibrium.
Take for instance the news, it’s 99% negative, if we watch it or listen to it, then it will affect us in a negative way, we need to have boundaries in place to stop that happening.
If you are a medium or a psychic, it’s important to not just wander up to a stranger and dump a message on them from spirit then walk off, that’s crossing an energetic boundary.
Allowing negative energy from the workplace or any other place is also a violation of your energetic boundary, so ensure you have protection methods to prevent this from infecting you.
When I’m doing readings, I refuse to look at a person who isn’t connected to the person having a reading. Maybe they want to check up on an ex or they want to find out if the guy they fancy is seeing anyone, that to me is an invasion of their privacy and I find it unethical so I won’t use my energy to pry, that’s a very strong boundary for me and my energy.
When your energetic boundaries are not solid enough you may feel:
When your energetic boundaries are not solid it can affect the whole chakra system and your aura, the impact is huge.
Selenite: Selenite is considered a purification crystal and is thought to help clear negative energy from your energy field. Using selenite can assist in letting go of energetic attachments or influences from others, potentially aiding in boundary work.
The Material Boundary:
Have you ever lent someone an item, maybe a book or a piece of clothing only to never see it again or to have it returned but not in the same state you lent it? That really is a huge boundary for me, if I borrow a book and it gets damaged, I’ll replace the book, I’d never give it back in a damaged state.
Maybe you have a family member that borrows your things without asking, that’s hugely disrespectful and shows a lack of regard for your material boundaries.
Here’s some other ways this boundary can be disrespected.
a. Difficulty saying no when others ask for money or resources.
b. Feeling guilty or obligated to provide financial assistance, even when it’s not in your best interest.
c. Allowing others to take advantage of your financial resources without setting limits.
d. Struggling to express your own financial needs and priorities.
e. Experiencing financial stress or strain due to boundary violations.
The bank of mum & dad is a classic over-stepping, it’s ok to help the kids out from time to time, it’s when those kids start to expect mum & dad to keep bailing them out.
These types of behaviour will definitely affect the bottom three chakras; root, naval & solar plexus and in some cases the heart chakra and even the throat chakra if you’re feeling pressurised to do it and you don’t feel you can say no, even though you want to.
Tiger’s Eye: Tiger’s eye is associated with grounding and practicality. It is thought to help in setting clear financial goals, making sound financial decisions, and boosting self-confidence in financial matters.
The Mind-Body Connection:
Your mind and body are inextricably linked, with personal boundaries serving as the bridge between them. Neglecting these boundaries can lead to stress, anxiety, and a sense of disconnection. However, nurturing them can lead to enhanced well-being, emotional resilience, and a profound sense of self.
Health issues connected to the immune system generally tend to be down to weak or non-existent boundaries:
- Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
- Chrone’s Disease
- Arthritis/Rheumatoid Arthritis
Weak boundaries are often the result of wanting to please others, not wanting confrontation or simply for an easy life. Depending on who is in your life, it may be you’ve had a narcissist who just refused to recognise your boundaries and so they’ve been eroded. They can be built up again, it may take a while & I’m not saying it is easy but there are tips & tricks that I use with my clients to help them re-establish & maintain those boundaries.
Those that will not recognise your boundaries need to be dealt with, you may need to distance yourself or cut them out of your life so you can be happier & healthier. The rest will need to realise that your boundaries are non-negotiable and here to stay! That includes you with yourself if you are the one not respecting your own boundaries.
In conclusion, remember that personal boundaries are not selfish barricades but necessary tools for self-preservation and nurturing healthy relationships.
You may have people or events happen in your life to help you learn the lesson of boundaries. Remember, your soul is here to learn & grow & you may well have soul contracts in place to provide the necessary opportunities to help you tick them off your list!
Everything happens for a reason, so embrace the opportunity for growth, thank those souls who’ve been part of the lesson & then put it behind you.
As you embrace and protect your boundaries, you’ll find yourself navigating life’s symphony with grace, ensuring that you remain the conductor of your own destiny.
Let me know if this resonated for you. Maybe you were totally unaware that you had boundary issues or maybe you dealt with yours already.
If you have health issues and want to get well, book a chat with me & we’ll see what we can do to get you well. Book here.